Parent Strategy for Kids with ADHD: Mirroring and Energy Matching

When your child is overwhelmed – shutting down, yelling, or buckling under pressure – it’s natural to want to try to quickly calm the temperature or jump in with a solution. But one of the most powerful ways that we can show up is connecting with our child through strategies referred to as mirroring and energy matching. Mirroring and energy matching work best when used together, helping guide kids back into a regulated state where real problem-solving can take place.

Mirroring means reflecting back what our kid is feeling so they feel seen and understood, while energy matching is about keeping our tone and intensity close to theirs – just toned down a bit. For example, if your child shouts, “This is the worst day ever!” you might respond, “It sounds like it feels like nothing went right today,” with a voice that carries energy but isn’t as sharp or loud as theirs. If your child slams their fists and yells, “I’m so mad!” you could reflect, “I can see how frustrating this feels,” using a firm but steady tone instead of matching their volume.

By staying calm and connected while validating your child’s difficult experiences, you communicate: 

I see you, I hear you, and I can handle all of your feelings.

For kids with ADHD – whose emotions often escalate faster than their peers – parenting strategies grounded in co-regulation can be especially powerful. These approaches not only provide support in the moment but also lay the foundation for children to gradually develop stronger emotion regulation skills over time.