The Power of Repair in Parenting

One of the most grounding insights I’ve learned about parenting came from Dr. Becky Kennedy’s TED Talk: The Single Most Important Parenting Strategy.  In it, she reminds us that missteps are inevitable – we will raise our voice, act impatiently, or feel too overwhelmed to fully show up for our kid’s emotional needs.

We learn that effective parenting isn’t necessarily about avoiding mistakes, but rather about what we do after those less-than-ideal moments.  When we choose to return to our child with care and accountability, we model a process of repair.

What Repair Teaches

When handled intentionally, moments of rupture can become moments of growth – for both us and our children. 

Repair teaches kids that:

• Perfection isn’t the goal – it’s how we own our actions that strengthens trust and safety.

• Relationships can withstand hard moments – and the healing process is part of what makes them resilient.
  
  
• Accountability builds connection – coming back after a misstep shows kids that we’re committed to the relationship, even when it’s hard.

But, before we can genuinely repair with our child, we often need to pause and check in with what’s happening inside ourselves.

This might look like:

• Noticing our own emotions without spiraling into shame
  
  
• Offering ourselves compassion for the fact that parenting is truly challenging
  
  
• Taking a moment to settle so we can show up with more patience
  
  

Examples of What You Might Say

Repair doesn’t need to be a long conversation or a scripted speech.  It simply needs to reflect honesty and empathy. 

A parent might say:

• “I yelled earlier, and that wasn’t okay. You were right to notice that. It’s not your fault, and I’m working on managing my feelings.”
  
  
• “It wasn’t your fault that I lost my patience. I’m sorry. I’m working on calming down before I respond.”
  
  

A Relationship Built on Trust

When children experience genuine repair, they learn that strong relationships aren’t built on perfection – they’re built on accountability, empathy, and trust. It’s a message they’ll carry into all kinds of relationships throughout their lives.

So the next time you’re not at your best, remember: repair creates the bridge back to connection – and it’s something we can always choose.